The rigors of Coachella

Don’t forget Gold Bond when you hit Coachella, it prevents chaffing and feels like hundreds of little angels blowing on your balls.

So goes the advice of one festival veteran who frequents the Coachella message board. We scoffed at first. I mean, Gold Bond? I’m the wrong age for that right? But who could resist such a choir of strong-lunged angels massaging afore mentioned area? Not us. The Gold Bond shall flow freely.

Before you judge, spend three days in the desert just as summer swings into gear and the sun starts baking the Earth like it means business.

That’s what we’re doing during Coachella. We will wander through the festival area, which lacks shade, averages a temperature more than 90 degrees during late April according to weather.com, and sells bottled water for $2. We will sleep nights under the cooler desert sky, but just the same, we’re going to bake.

The entire weekend stands to be a rigorous physical test. That’s the bad news. Good news is, we’ve identified that and are taking the proper precautions. Our hours funnel into the stair climber, the elevated track at Southern Illinois University’s Recreation Center and the weight room. We need to hold our own in the pit and during the hottest part of the day. We need to be fit.

I may not speak for everyone, but I ask a favor just the same. If you see one of us wandering campus, visiting the Chicago-area or any other random locale, bump us with force, as the crowds at Coachella will. Spill a drink on us, yell in our ear. We will retaliate with malice during the moment, but rest assured, we’ll thank you for it later.

Some of the festival hoopla may catch us off guard –message board vets tell of portable toilets being tipped, crowds smashing fences and festival attendees defecating near the stage in lieu of giving up a spot before an anticipated act – but we will do all we can. Your help is much appreciated.